How do we measure Love? God knows.

How does one measure Love? Sure, there are poems and songs and even a holiday that encourages you to feel a certain way so you know you are in love. Does your heart flutter? Does your mind race? Do you want to spend every moment with a certain someone? All these questions you ask yourself to determine if you are truly in love or are being loved the way society has lead you to expect. We see commercials and movies and even though we do not want to admit it, we question our relationships to see where they fall in comparison to these couples that we see that have found "IT". I used to silently say to myself "I want that! I want that kind of love!" after watching Pride & Prejudice for the 100th time. I would look at my napping husband and wished for him to magically transform into Mr. Darcy. God has a unique way of showing us how to find what we are looking for. I can assure you it will not be exactly what you had imagined but I can equally assure you it will be amazing. Let me get this out of the way; I love my husband and children and I love my friends and extended family. I prayed for the ability to love them unconditional and be loved back. God granted me that love but then He gave me more. Isn't that His way? HE GAVE ME MORE! I have never known a love like the love I have for my grandsons. Just the sheer mention of their names brings tears to my eyes. My heart swells up like a sappy cartoon character. I wake each morning wondering what their day will bring. I go to bed each night thanking God that they are safe and happy. Every single day of my life I am honored to be called Oma. There is nothing I would not do for them and I expect nothing in return except them knowing how much I love them. No poem, movie or holiday could have ever described this type of love. See? God gave me more. I can only imagine that this is how He feels about us; He loves us unconditionally and wants nothing in return except to acknowledge how much He loves us. He wakes us up each morning with the beautiful break of dawn and He tells us goodnight each evening with the setting sun. He wants our days to be fulfilling and centered around His love for us. Oh I am sure His love for us is greater than I can imagine. It has to be because I also know that my love for these boys is more than I could have ever thought possible. I am blessed and honored to feel this kind of Love. I am also beyond grateful to be the recipient of even more.

How does God do it?

I don’t know how God does it. Every single minute of every single day…. Social media brings us closer to all the craziness out in the world. Things I would never have known pop up on my news feed. With each post comes various emotions. Some make us smile. Some anger us. Some make us realize how blessed we truly are. Perhaps I was living in denial all those years before Facebook, Twitter and Instragram. The more I see the more I believe that maybe that was not a bad thing. Today alone, there were baby rapers, robbers shooting clerks and students, politicians lying about each other and raids on local businesses who are trafficking women. Then there are the ones that ask for money. Dog owners asking for help with their vet bills, others asking for help with utilities and medical bills. Go Fund Me is the cyber way of standing on the street asking for help for the cause you feel may be worthy of your hard earned money. In between all these posts are the religious reminders of who is truly in charge. The motivational memes, “copy and paste or you will go to hell” and the “Please like if you agree” posts are never ending. And as I am reading all these posts and contemplating my duty as a fellow human being, I wonder, “How does God deal with this every single day?” He knows all this craziness and loves us anyway. How can that be? I am frustrated, sad, heartbroken and angry when I see what is happening in our own home towns. I am sickened by the lack of humanity across the world. Even though the bible assures us, I believe society as a whole is no longer worthy of His love. The closer we get to Good Friday, the more I fear that one day God will say “Enough!” and put us all in our places. Wait…maybe that is not such a bad thing either.

How does one "worship"?

God has been urging me to write this post for some time now. I keep putting it off thinking that I have nothing that will help others. Our family is going through changes with my mom, trying to rebuild a burned house, finding a new forever home for a beloved family pet and just trying to get through the insurance red tape. I am exhausted both physically and mentally. As some of you know my beautiful daughter is a worship leader at a local church. Her passion for Christ and her love to serve, along with her amazing voice and musical abilities, make her a strong leader in the world of prayer and faith. I go to her service and I enjoy it greatly. I often have tears in my eyes from the sheer beauty of her voice and ability to bring people to their feet in "worship". I find myself thinking, "I want to be like that!". I have a strong belief in God and know that without Him I am nothing. I also believe that my prayers are heard and my heart is healed with His power. However, when I see others worship, I do not truly understand it. Where does this power and passion and inner joy so strong it makes you jump to your feet, come from? Before each sermon the minister has someone pass the microphone around so others can share a story where "God is at work". I love the stories and I sit silently reflecting on all the ways God has been by my side the previous week. When Raychel sings my heart is filled with joy and my heart is full...is this worship? When the minister is in the midst of his sermon and I can relate to what he is saying and often feel he is talking to me...is this worship? I leave every week wanting to know if what I felt and heard was what others call worship. It was well after 2 am the other evening when I got to bed. I called upon God to help me get through the rest of this week and to let me feel that all will be ok. I closed my eyes and I had a vision of God kneeling beside me and stroking my hair. No words....just stroking my hair. I had tears in my eyes and finally dozed off. Was this worship? Still struggling to be amongst the elite group of those that truly KNOW the He is your path to the future he has planned for you, I was driving to the gym to get some much needed exercise to clear my mind. In the middle of one of my favorite songs a banner came up that showed a Ronnie Milsap song was playing on another station. Without even second guessing I clicked the banner. I do not listen to country but Milsap was one of my favorite artists back in the late seventies. The song that played was "what a difference you made in my life". As I listened to the words I felt an overwhelming fullness in my chest and I started to weep. What is wrong with me?? I just kept crying and listening to the words. And then it came......the feeling that everyone was talking about. The feeling that God was inside my heart and I was His child. The feeling one gets when they are caught up in the moment and feel the spirit and are worshiping the God that makes it all possible. How can this be? A Ronnie Milsap song? Here are the words

What a difference you've made in my life What a difference you've made in my life You're my sunshine day and night Oh, what a difference you've made in my life What a change you have made in my heart What a change you have made in my heart You replaced all the broken parts Oh, what a change you have made in my heart Love to me was just a word in a song that had been way overused But now I've joined in the singin' 'Cause you've shown me love's true meanin' That's why I want to spread the news

God has "fixed" my heart and all my broken pieces. He has changed my life. He has shown me what love is. I can truly say, I finally know the feeling of worship and it came to me in a country song. Go Figure.

I am officially an Oma!

When my grandson was born I was so excited to be called "Oma". We are of German descent so this is what my kids called my mom and I called her mom. It is an honored title that is taken very seriously. From the first moment I laid eyes on my precious Kade Joseph I felt this deep feeling of having to give him anything and everything he could ever hope for. In return I would be called Oma and he would want to spend time with me because I am just cool like that! (this was the plan!) Yesterday on my way home from work my phone rang but I could not answer. When I got in the house I saw that I had missed a facetime from my beautiful daughter in law. On my phone was a short video of her and Kade who was sitting in her lap. I played the video....I cried tears of joy...my grandson wanted to facetime his Oma! Although he does not say Oma quite like most, he made it clear he wanted to talk to me. Of course when I called back he was done with me in 60 seconds and I had to put Bella on the phone to lure him back, but the thought is what is important. I am officially an Oma!! Can it get any better than this?

And then God said "Good morning"!

This past week has been hard for me. A dear friend of mine passed away unexpectedly, my mother is still having a hard time with her broken wrist and other illnesses that life has dealt to her, my daughter had yet another wreck and time runs out each day before all my tasks are completed. I have not forced myself to exercise or eat right. I believe I am in a funk. I have not felt this heartache since my father died. You know, that deep wrenching pain in your chest that you feel at any moment may truly be the death of you? Yep, that pain. I find tears streaming down my face throughout the day. My whole body feels so heavy. I truly just want to curl up in a ball in my bed and stay there. This morning was no different. I dreamt of my dear friend and woke with tears in my eyes. As I type this I have tears hitting the keyboard. God knows how much I loved Janet and how grateful I am for having known her. I pray she knows what an impact she had on my and my family's life. But when I got up this morning with a heavy heart I saw the sun streaming through the shutters. It never does that since they are truly well made and block out the light. However on this particular morning my bedroom was bright with light. I stood for a moment and looked at the shutters and then I opened them.....Holy Moly, what a beautiful day! And that is when I heard God say "Good morning! Count your blessings today and leave the rest to me!" It is then I laughed at the memories of the past two days with my grandson. He is such a gift. I looked outside and saw the rewards of all the hard work my husband puts into our yard to make it a safe haven in Paradise. Beautiful. I read a text from my daughter saying she was safe at school. Grateful. I thought of how amazing my son and daughter in law are and how much I love them! Blessed. God forced me to think of the many blessings he has bestowed on me. One of those was my dear friend Janet. I still hurt and tears still flow for my loss. However, I know that God had a plan and that although she surely would have chosen to stay with all of us, she is truly healthy, happy and whole waiting on us to come home. Now I must find a way to be glad with that knowledge and trust in Him. "Good morning, God! Thank You for sending the light."

Not carrying old baggage into the new year....

As I sit and think about the things that happened in 2014 I am left with mixed feelings. We said goodbye to loved ones, welcomed a new grandson into the fold and tried to keep in touch with family and friends as we rushed through our busy lives. I think back on the list of things I intended to accomplish and realize that the list changed as the months passed. I feel heavy with baggage left unpacked. I am hopeful for a lighter load and new beginnings in 2015. But how do we let go of the things we carry forward? How do we scratch the tasks undone off the list to make room for exciting new ones? I have few regrets but those that I do have are painful. I have many accomplishments to be thankful for but those regrets get in the way of allowing me to be truly happy over them. So, for 2015 I am making no resolutions. I am making no lists. However, I am taking all those regrets and placing them in my unpacked baggage and leaving them at the door. I am starting with a blank piece of paper. No worries, no regrets, no failures, no undone tasks and no heavy load. I am excited to see where God takes me. Happy New Year friends. May you all check your baggage at the door and have a safe slide into 2015.

Missing that "Christ"mas feeling.

It is a little past midnight, December 25. I have been preparing for this moment in time for at least 7 months. From Halloween to New Year it is my favorite time of the year and I love all the sparkle, baking, wrapping of gifts and the best part, giving. I love to give. I love to see the joy of my kids when they get something they would have never thought of getting for themselves. And this year was even more special since I got to enjoy the excitement with my 11 month old grandson. So what is wrong with me? Where is my deep soulful feeling of Christmas? Where is my true spirit of the season? I am looking over my Facebook feed and post after post is about the feeling of the season missing from the celebrations of others. Person after person posting " I just do not feel it", " I can barely get my gifts wrapped", "I didn't send out cards this year". Attending church Christmas Eve I kept waiting. I enjoyed it immensely. I loved the music, the message and the company. But I never did get that "feeling". I am being totally honest, I am worried for us all. This feeling or lack thereof can not be a coincidence. Something is missing this year. Is God trying to send us a message? As I type this my heart is heavy. I have so very much to be thankful for. I am blessed beyond measure. God has given me a life that is rich and full of love and laughter. God has ............that's it! God has given me, us, all of us the ultimate gift. There is nothing that can compare. Nothing that matters as much. Nothing that can be of more value. God has given us His one and only son and unless we focus on that one true gift, then everything else will be of no worth. That feeling of opening the most precious gift of all time can only come from celebrating the birth of Christ. No decorations, cards, lights or cookies can give you that inner peace of heart. Tomorrow the family is coming over for fellowship and making special memories. Knowing that God's blessing will be with us all guarantees a day filled with the joy of the season. Merry "Christ"mas my friends and may you all feel the true meaning of this glorious day.