How does one "worship"?

God has been urging me to write this post for some time now. I keep putting it off thinking that I have nothing that will help others. Our family is going through changes with my mom, trying to rebuild a burned house, finding a new forever home for a beloved family pet and just trying to get through the insurance red tape. I am exhausted both physically and mentally. As some of you know my beautiful daughter is a worship leader at a local church. Her passion for Christ and her love to serve, along with her amazing voice and musical abilities, make her a strong leader in the world of prayer and faith. I go to her service and I enjoy it greatly. I often have tears in my eyes from the sheer beauty of her voice and ability to bring people to their feet in "worship". I find myself thinking, "I want to be like that!". I have a strong belief in God and know that without Him I am nothing. I also believe that my prayers are heard and my heart is healed with His power. However, when I see others worship, I do not truly understand it. Where does this power and passion and inner joy so strong it makes you jump to your feet, come from? Before each sermon the minister has someone pass the microphone around so others can share a story where "God is at work". I love the stories and I sit silently reflecting on all the ways God has been by my side the previous week. When Raychel sings my heart is filled with joy and my heart is full...is this worship? When the minister is in the midst of his sermon and I can relate to what he is saying and often feel he is talking to me...is this worship? I leave every week wanting to know if what I felt and heard was what others call worship. It was well after 2 am the other evening when I got to bed. I called upon God to help me get through the rest of this week and to let me feel that all will be ok. I closed my eyes and I had a vision of God kneeling beside me and stroking my hair. No words....just stroking my hair. I had tears in my eyes and finally dozed off. Was this worship? Still struggling to be amongst the elite group of those that truly KNOW the He is your path to the future he has planned for you, I was driving to the gym to get some much needed exercise to clear my mind. In the middle of one of my favorite songs a banner came up that showed a Ronnie Milsap song was playing on another station. Without even second guessing I clicked the banner. I do not listen to country but Milsap was one of my favorite artists back in the late seventies. The song that played was "what a difference you made in my life". As I listened to the words I felt an overwhelming fullness in my chest and I started to weep. What is wrong with me?? I just kept crying and listening to the words. And then it came......the feeling that everyone was talking about. The feeling that God was inside my heart and I was His child. The feeling one gets when they are caught up in the moment and feel the spirit and are worshiping the God that makes it all possible. How can this be? A Ronnie Milsap song? Here are the words

What a difference you've made in my life What a difference you've made in my life You're my sunshine day and night Oh, what a difference you've made in my life What a change you have made in my heart What a change you have made in my heart You replaced all the broken parts Oh, what a change you have made in my heart Love to me was just a word in a song that had been way overused But now I've joined in the singin' 'Cause you've shown me love's true meanin' That's why I want to spread the news

God has "fixed" my heart and all my broken pieces. He has changed my life. He has shown me what love is. I can truly say, I finally know the feeling of worship and it came to me in a country song. Go Figure.

I am officially an Oma!

When my grandson was born I was so excited to be called "Oma". We are of German descent so this is what my kids called my mom and I called her mom. It is an honored title that is taken very seriously. From the first moment I laid eyes on my precious Kade Joseph I felt this deep feeling of having to give him anything and everything he could ever hope for. In return I would be called Oma and he would want to spend time with me because I am just cool like that! (this was the plan!) Yesterday on my way home from work my phone rang but I could not answer. When I got in the house I saw that I had missed a facetime from my beautiful daughter in law. On my phone was a short video of her and Kade who was sitting in her lap. I played the video....I cried tears of joy...my grandson wanted to facetime his Oma! Although he does not say Oma quite like most, he made it clear he wanted to talk to me. Of course when I called back he was done with me in 60 seconds and I had to put Bella on the phone to lure him back, but the thought is what is important. I am officially an Oma!! Can it get any better than this?

And then God said "Good morning"!

This past week has been hard for me. A dear friend of mine passed away unexpectedly, my mother is still having a hard time with her broken wrist and other illnesses that life has dealt to her, my daughter had yet another wreck and time runs out each day before all my tasks are completed. I have not forced myself to exercise or eat right. I believe I am in a funk. I have not felt this heartache since my father died. You know, that deep wrenching pain in your chest that you feel at any moment may truly be the death of you? Yep, that pain. I find tears streaming down my face throughout the day. My whole body feels so heavy. I truly just want to curl up in a ball in my bed and stay there. This morning was no different. I dreamt of my dear friend and woke with tears in my eyes. As I type this I have tears hitting the keyboard. God knows how much I loved Janet and how grateful I am for having known her. I pray she knows what an impact she had on my and my family's life. But when I got up this morning with a heavy heart I saw the sun streaming through the shutters. It never does that since they are truly well made and block out the light. However on this particular morning my bedroom was bright with light. I stood for a moment and looked at the shutters and then I opened them.....Holy Moly, what a beautiful day! And that is when I heard God say "Good morning! Count your blessings today and leave the rest to me!" It is then I laughed at the memories of the past two days with my grandson. He is such a gift. I looked outside and saw the rewards of all the hard work my husband puts into our yard to make it a safe haven in Paradise. Beautiful. I read a text from my daughter saying she was safe at school. Grateful. I thought of how amazing my son and daughter in law are and how much I love them! Blessed. God forced me to think of the many blessings he has bestowed on me. One of those was my dear friend Janet. I still hurt and tears still flow for my loss. However, I know that God had a plan and that although she surely would have chosen to stay with all of us, she is truly healthy, happy and whole waiting on us to come home. Now I must find a way to be glad with that knowledge and trust in Him. "Good morning, God! Thank You for sending the light."

Not carrying old baggage into the new year....

As I sit and think about the things that happened in 2014 I am left with mixed feelings. We said goodbye to loved ones, welcomed a new grandson into the fold and tried to keep in touch with family and friends as we rushed through our busy lives. I think back on the list of things I intended to accomplish and realize that the list changed as the months passed. I feel heavy with baggage left unpacked. I am hopeful for a lighter load and new beginnings in 2015. But how do we let go of the things we carry forward? How do we scratch the tasks undone off the list to make room for exciting new ones? I have few regrets but those that I do have are painful. I have many accomplishments to be thankful for but those regrets get in the way of allowing me to be truly happy over them. So, for 2015 I am making no resolutions. I am making no lists. However, I am taking all those regrets and placing them in my unpacked baggage and leaving them at the door. I am starting with a blank piece of paper. No worries, no regrets, no failures, no undone tasks and no heavy load. I am excited to see where God takes me. Happy New Year friends. May you all check your baggage at the door and have a safe slide into 2015.

Missing that "Christ"mas feeling.

It is a little past midnight, December 25. I have been preparing for this moment in time for at least 7 months. From Halloween to New Year it is my favorite time of the year and I love all the sparkle, baking, wrapping of gifts and the best part, giving. I love to give. I love to see the joy of my kids when they get something they would have never thought of getting for themselves. And this year was even more special since I got to enjoy the excitement with my 11 month old grandson. So what is wrong with me? Where is my deep soulful feeling of Christmas? Where is my true spirit of the season? I am looking over my Facebook feed and post after post is about the feeling of the season missing from the celebrations of others. Person after person posting " I just do not feel it", " I can barely get my gifts wrapped", "I didn't send out cards this year". Attending church Christmas Eve I kept waiting. I enjoyed it immensely. I loved the music, the message and the company. But I never did get that "feeling". I am being totally honest, I am worried for us all. This feeling or lack thereof can not be a coincidence. Something is missing this year. Is God trying to send us a message? As I type this my heart is heavy. I have so very much to be thankful for. I am blessed beyond measure. God has given me a life that is rich and full of love and laughter. God has ............that's it! God has given me, us, all of us the ultimate gift. There is nothing that can compare. Nothing that matters as much. Nothing that can be of more value. God has given us His one and only son and unless we focus on that one true gift, then everything else will be of no worth. That feeling of opening the most precious gift of all time can only come from celebrating the birth of Christ. No decorations, cards, lights or cookies can give you that inner peace of heart. Tomorrow the family is coming over for fellowship and making special memories. Knowing that God's blessing will be with us all guarantees a day filled with the joy of the season. Merry "Christ"mas my friends and may you all feel the true meaning of this glorious day.

Changing my life one push-up at a time.

The shutdown of your body comes slowly. One day you can no longer bend at the knees and get back up without grunting. Walking up the football stadium bleachers to the reserved seats you've had for 20 plus years feels like you ran a marathon (not that I would know firsthand, but I've heard about it) and getting up off the floor after playing with your grandchild or puppy is achieved by getting carpet burns from scooting on your knees to the nearest piece of sturdy furniture to pull yourself up. It is a sad day when you realize you have limitations and age and obesity have taken over your body. One would think that the moment this realization smacked me upside the head, I would do something about it....I did.....I told myself that this is what it is and I have to make the best of it. As the years passed I just kept "doing the best I can", or so I thought. I must admit that I have never been athletic. Sure, I was a cheerleader and walked everywhere as a teenager living in Germany but I never, ever exercised. I was on a running team in Germany and I would put on this adorable Adidas outfit, run into the forest, light a cigarette and wait it out. When enough time had passed I would sneak my way to exit from the forest and stumble back to school pretending to have run the entire practice route. We never competed. It was just a PE class. Am I ashamed of this? I should be but I'm not. A dear friend came to work for me and she is the annoying "exercise and fitness" freak. She gets up at the crack of dawn, goes to some boot camp, comes to work, goes home to ride 30 miles on her bike and on the weekends she runs marathons. She was truly getting on my nerves. The age difference between us became more and more evident as she talked of all her accomplishments. In my head I was saying "You just wait until you are in your fifties girly!" This is how I justified my aches and pains as I got out of my office chair to walk across the room. My diabetes numbers were slowly creeping back up and I never truly felt good. Even though I kept telling myself I could not change I started dieting and walking a couple miles a week. I felt accomplished. I lost 45 pounds and started walking more. I was now at a stage where I knew "this is as good as it gets". Then it happened...After a year of trying to convince me to at least try a boot camp (these conversations always ended with me rolling my eyes and muttering "that will never happen") my friend told me that the boot camp is in my area and that they were running a special and I could try it for a month for the measly price of $6. I pay that for a cup of coffee so I humored her and signed myself up. My friend Jennifer came with me to the first camp and I met the trainer Nicole. Even if you are in the best shape of your life, just looking at Nicole will humble you. She has .0001% body fat, muscles to put Arnold Schwarzennegger to shame, a smile that will brighten any room and the spunk to motivate even the most professional couch potato. THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD DO THIS!!! I will spare you the aches and pains detail and how I was so sick after my first workout I threw up and just say this. "I am a proud member of the Camp Gladiator team!" I have an entire group of amazing "family" that motivate me and encourage me to be better. They do not judge, make me feel bad if I physically cannot hang with them and pick me up when I am down. Nicole holds us all accountable by calling us out on social media if we miss a class.(I have never missed a class!) She also makes herself available 24/7 for each and every one of us. I am now 53 pounds lighter, ride my bike to and from camp, can get up off the ground by myself, can squat, plank and do a push up! Camp Gladiator has changed my life. It has offered me a new beginning and I am taking it! We are never too old, too fat, too weak or too uncoordinated. We just have to take the challenge and jump off that cliff. I promise you that Camp Gladiator will catch your fall. I am forever thankful. It is with great emotion that I say thank you to Jennifer for the push and encouragement and Nicole and my CG team for "Keeping it Real"! Wut! Wut!

A Step Back in Time with Lionel Richie

First and foremost I am NOT an idol worshiper. I enjoy great talent like the next person but I do not stand in lines begging for autographs, I do not scream when I see someone famous and I would never, ever pay for a concert to hear someone sing when I can listen at my leisure at home.....until now. My son and DIL surprised me with tickets to see my all time favorite, Lionel Richie. I could listen to his music "All Night Long" and even though I am happily married, I think he is one luscious chocolate lollipop. Even at the grand age of 65 he is Hawt, Hawt, Hawt. At first I was like...do I really want to fight the crowds and go see him in person? And then I decided that I would step out of my box and go to my first concert. I am not including the time that Alabama came to Killeen High School for a mini performance. I got to choose who I wanted to go with me to share this experience and I chose my hubby. He has been listening to Lionel for as long as I have and has grown to appreciate his music almost as much as I do. I fretted the entire months between my gift and the big night. We headed out early to go visit my son and his family and I got to get smoochies from my grandson Kade. Now if I was an idol worshiper it would be for him! He is just down right amazing. I read reviews of the venue and I was prepared for all the negative things that were mentioned. We took our time and got there well before the first act of Celo Green started. There was no crowd at the restroom, no long lines for drinks,no people falling all over each other, actually none of the things I read about were part of my experience. We made our way to our seats and even though my husband is very tall he had enough room to sit. The seats are very close together so you quickly become besties with the person beside you. Lionel still has it...there were people there from the age of 17-85. There were city slickers, country folk, people who spoke no English and those where it was evident they were groupies and followed him to every venue he travels to. Those were fun to watch! I knew I would go back down memory lane when Lionel actually started performing. I knew that I would know every word to every song. I did NOT know however, that when the firsts chord of "Just to be Close to You" echoed through the arena, I would weep. Yes, real tears streaming down my face. My Lionel was singing this song just for me. No one else was there. Just me. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. This show was amazing and I am so grateful for the chance to experience it with my husband. I am still not a super fan or an idol worshiper. I did not buy a T-shirt or want his autograph, but I do feel that I am now personal friends with Mr. Richie. For a small space in time, I was not part of the older crowd following memories.....I was 15 again and making new memories to one day share with my children and grandchildren. Lionel Richie you are the best of the best. You make me want to dance "all Night Long" and I will love you "Always and Forever"!