Kale chips? No way!

My goal for better health in 2013 is to exercise, lose weight and eat lots of fruits and vegetables.  It is a constant struggle….I love salty, greasy, crunchy chips! All kinds of chips; Lays orginal, Cheetos, Kettle chips, corn chips…you get the idea.

I have heard that kale is a medical marvel. Lots of vitamins, lots of flavor and you can make them into chips!! OMG! I can have all the chips I want with no guilt and no added inches to my already obese frame. I searched all the recipes online and even though I was a bit leery, it seemed simple enough…..olive oil, lots of sea salt and a huge mound of delicious green kale leaves.

First stop Wal-Mart. No kale. “Sir, can you tell me if you have any kale in the back? The bin is empty.” “No ma’am, we sell what we get in.” Now I am thinking to myself how amazing these chips are going to be since they cannot even keep kale in stock!

HEB-No kale.

Brookshire’s-No kale.

Now I am like a drug addict in search of a bag of green stuff. I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!

Last night my husband surprised me with an Easter gift. It was a huge bag of luscious green crinkled kale. I was so excited I could not wait to get the leaves washed, dried and into the olive oil and salt mixture. I gently put the parchment paper on a cookie sheet, turned on the oven, set the timer and gently placed these babies into the device that was going to turn these green healthy weeds, I mean leaves, into chips!!

The smell was a bit odd. A cross between salty oil and old spinach. I assumed this was the way they would become delicious niblets of salty goodness. The oven would cook the vegetable taste out of them. The buzzer went off and I grabbed my oven mitt and took the now green and goldish colored crispy things out of the oven and placed them on a rack to cool. I was so excited. My son and DIL were on their way home for the weekend and I could not wait to share this experience with them. My daughter was waiting with me. I kept checking back to see if they were cool. FINALLY!!! I pick up one  of the leaves and turn it over examining it like a rare jewel. I closed my eyes and placed it in my mouth and it just fell apart….mmmm….salt…olive oil….dirty socks and grass….wait! What??? This is a sick joke. These are nothing like potato chips. How can all those people be so wrong? All those articles on the internet about how amazing they are can’t be made up. “Raychel come try these!” Her face was priceless. At least this is a way to get her to drink more water! After that no one would even come into the kitchen, let alone try the kale.

After all this work I kinda wish I was a druggie. At least I could smoke the stuff. Where are my kettle chips?