Happy 16th Birthday Sunshine!

16 years ago at this exact moment I was sitting in a hospital room getting my very first epidural. My mother and father were there along with Nathan and Louie. It was indeed a family event. We were waiting on our sweet Raychel to join our family. At 2:25 pm our “Ray” of sunshine was born. She was 10 lbs. and 21 inches long with the most vivid birthmark on her forehead where the angels gave her one last kiss before sending her down.  

 

We knew Raychel was not the average baby from the moment she cried her first cry. She was louder, bigger, more alert and more demanding than the other babies in the nursery. Raychel was being passed around in the stands at her 14 year old brother's basketball game the week she was born. At three weeks my dear friend Janet Niemeyer was feeding her honey and sopapillas  when we had a Lorena High School Boys basketball dinner at El Chico. She also introduced Raychel to iced tea that she gave her drops of from her straw. From that day on Raychel was not satisfied with milk and we had to put her on cereal and fruit. Raychel sat up, crawled and started babbling well before she was six months old. At 9 months she was walking all over the house and getting into everything. I was not used to this since Nathan was the “perfect” child. He never got into trouble and always minded. However, our Raychel broke every rule we gave her and without even realizing it, everyone around her would end up following HER rules.  Raychel had so many wonderful “moms” and since most were teachers she learned to talk in full sentences before the age of two. This led to some very interesting conversations about heaven, God and where she came from before she came to earth.  Raychel would talk to spirits, visited random graves and would tell me all about the person buried there. I had to warn everyone who came in contact with her that she might talk about things that were not “normal” and had to assure them that Raychel was not in need of therapy.  Shopping was always a bit awkward since we had to make room in the cart for all her "friends" and had to wait on all of them to get in the van before I could close the door. Yes, anyone who witnessed this thought I was crazy. I would smile and whisper for everyone to hurry and get in! (sigh)

Raychel had the pleasure of being raised with her amazing brother and a wonderful group of teenage boys who were all 14 years older than she was. They played with her, let her fix their hair, performed concerts at Christmas for her, threw her in the swimming pool and now protect her like one of their own family. Before she would date a boy, he had to meet and be approved of by her brother and two of his closest friends.  

Through the years we realized that God had truly blessed Raychel with so much talent and a soul that is wise beyond it’s years. In spite of being stubborn, mouthy, demanding and messy; she is smart, funny, loyal and forgiving. Raychel will stand in front of anyone who needs protecting, get involved in causes that make the world a better place and stand firm in her beliefs and morals. When she is the topic of rumors and High School drama she tries to set the record straight but then ignores it since her priority is what God knows to be true. During the week you will find Raychel in a gym playing Basketball or Volleyball or at home doing her homework. On Sunday you will find Raychel at church from 3-6:30pm singing with the church band. If you ask her why she devotes most of her Sunday to singing in church she will gladly tell you what she told me, “When I sing for God, I feel whole.”

There is not a day that goes by that I do not thank God and the Angels who brought her to us.  Even though she has made Louie and I age faster than we should have, makes me drink that second glass of wine and causes us to both lay awake many nights wondering what on earth we are going to do with her, we are truly blessed to have her in our lives. She will always be our baby girl.

Most of you already know she was named “Ray”chel because her Opa said that the day she was born was the day the sun shined the brightest. I believe he was right.

 

Happy 16^th Birthday Sunshine! You are amazing! Your father and I cannot wait to see you take on the world!

It's time to be selfish!

During my absence of blogging I have been trying to get my health under control. I admit that most of my problems stem from my being overweight. Weight Watchers was a fantastic way to start this new life and I followed the plan exactly. I lost 29.9 pounds and felt fantastic. It was all about "ME" and I was taking care of myself and "selfishly" cooking how I needed to eat. I felt successful, happy, healthy and was actually enjoying life more than I had in a long time.

Then my daughter became ill. I could think of nothing else but getting her well. It was a hard time for us since we did not know what was making her so sick. Doctors, emergency rooms and tests took the place of my exercising, eating right and WW meetings. After that I never could get back on track since other responsibilities got in the way. Being selfish is the hardest thing a mom can do. Our love for our children has trained us to be there for their every want and need. How dare we take time for ourselves when there is a ball game to sit and watch for four hours? What in the world are you thinking by saying you need to work out instead of taking your teenager to see a friend? Amidst "Did you order my contacts? Did you get the stuff I needed for school? Can you bring my uniform that I forgot? Can you find my shoes I left in the middle of the kitchen floor? Can you see if I have all my stuff for the game? You didn't get ice cream?" you lose your sense of urgency in taking care of yourself. Even as I write these words I am being texted (summoned) to fulfill yet another desire! If I were to say "NO!!" the guilt would be unbearable and I still would not be taking care of "me".

As I look in the mirror I once again see the person I have become and not the one God intended me to be. The longer I look at the face I do not recognize I gain strength and determination. I DESERVE to live the rest of my life as my best. I DESERVE to take time for me and only me. Hold that thought.....I need to reply to a text........wait! Maybe I won't! Maybe I will just ignore it! As my heart pounds and I start to feel guilty, please pray for me! I need all the help I can get to break this cycle of sabotaging myself to make sure those I love have everything they could ever wish for.

No one said I had to "like" you.

 I promised God to love my children with all that I am and I truly do. I would give up my own life for them. But sometimes it is truly hard to like them. I used to be embarrassed to admit this. The older I get the easier the words "I really don't like you right now!" flow from my mouth. The first time I said it out loud I believe my daughter stopped in her tracks and stared at me. I could see those little wheels working in her head. "Did my mother just say she did not like me???!!" I saw the puzzled look on her face so I repeated it.....twice!(Evil grin)

Thankfully my feelings come in stages. The first year is when they are about 10. Seriously, it is hard to like a ten year old. They are inquisitive know it alls. They are trying to find a niche for themselves before Junior High which makes them bossy and mouthy and they are so very messy! While my heart is overflowing with love, the rest of me wants to kick them out of my "inner circle". Then God finds it in his heart to allow them to become more pleasant for a couple of years and then they hit 13. Anyone with a 13 year old knows what I am talking about. One moment they are so grown up and fun to socialize with and you even find yourself wanting to "hang out" with them. Then while you are mid sentence, a light switches off in the brain and you find yourself talking to a moody teenager who can not remember what you told them three seconds ago let alone follow instructions for the day. When you question them about anything their voice goes up five octaves and they are truly offended that you would dare speak to them. This is when loving them is hard, let alone liking the little monsters. This stage lasts pretty much until they graduate High School. I do believe it is God's plan to make them so unlikeable it is easier to say goodbye when they head off to college and a life of thier own.

When they are grown and have become the adults you intended them to be you are truly in awe of how charming and funny and likable they are. You want to spend time with them. You even beg them to come see you so you can be with them. You like them so much, you would do anything to welcome them back into that precious inner circle.........then one day you hear "Mom I truly love you, but I really don't like you right now!".

God has a quirky sense of humor.

Parenting is a life long commitment!

Being a parent is tough. Anyone who tells you that raising children is a breeze is either lying, taking Prozac or seriously in denial. It is a full time job for a minimum of 50 years with no retirement plan. I would say it is 24/7 x 365 days but for most people there are about 7 hours a day that you can sleep and not actively parent. However, you are on call during those hours so in my case this does not apply.

I once thought what when my children got older and could take care of themselves that I would actually have a life of my own. I could take a nap, go to bed early, sleep late, eat when I want, drink what I want and do whatever my heart desired. After all, they could take care of themselves, right? The goal of being a good parent is to raise loving, kind and intelligent members of society. It is our jobs to nurture, protect and love these little beings with all that we are. Then when the time comes for them to go out on their own we are done, right?

WRONG!

And if being wrong is not disappointing enough, being so wrong you need therapy is a rude awakening.

I don't know the exact moment in time when I realized what was happening but it has been within the last month. Coincidentally my daughter has been dating the "love of her life" during this same time frame. Let me ponder....nope, not a coincidence. Instead of me being able to relax and enjoy more sleep, more free time, more "me" time and the knowledge that I have raised two amazing children, I have now added another child to my family. My worries, concerns and parenting radar has now doubled. This is NOT the way it is supposed to work. I am supposed to have less responsibility not more!

Now I worry about four people instead of two. My son is married and they live in NY and are happy, healthy and whole. They are two of the most amazing young adults I know. They are bright, funny, loving, kind and so very talented. A parent's dream children! Jodi's parents and Louie and I did a great job parenting these two. I should not have any worries. Wrong again. I still worry when I do not talk to Nate every day. I worry about Jodi and her safety when she travels alone in the Big Apple even though she is from New York and is probably safer than Nate. I worry about them as a couple and if they are okay and eating well. I worry if they have had their dental or medical check-ups, I worry about Nate's knee surgery and if proper care is being taken to assure longer results. I worry because he never seems to sleep!! Is he taking care of himself? The list is endless.

Raychel is the youngest so she causes me the most worry. I worry about her school work, her athletics, her music, her back injury, her latest illness and about her hair turning green in the pool! I worry when she does not check in after school or when she is not at home. I worry about her future and where life will take her. And now I worry about her heart........

And if all this was not enough, I now worry about Bobby. Did he make it home okay? Did he eat before he went to work? Do I need to cook when he comes over late? Is everything okay? Will this fall bring him as much joy at UMHB as he is anticipating. Is he getting enough sleep?

Just when I thought I was getting more vacation time from this full time job of parenting, I was given a promotion and more responsibility. Instead of my usual 5 hours of sleep a night I now get 3. I should be very upset, right?

WRONG!

I am tired, worn out and often frustrated but I would not trade any of my babies for  long naps, early bed times, sleeping late, eating when I want, drinking what I want or doing whatever my heart desired. My life would not be complete without them in it. Just the mere thought of them makes my heart overflow with love unlike any other. I guess God does know what he is doing and placed me where I need to be doing what I need to do.

My mother once told me that when you get married you are given a necklace of love with a worry stone attached. You never take it off. With each child you add a stone. As your children fall in love you add another stone. Grandchildren bring even more stones. The necklace just keeps getting heavier and heavier and is often very difficult to wear but the necklace also becomes so much more valuable. In the end, it is a priceless treasure of ones life.

And my kids don't know it yet, but I am passing this necklace down to them when I'm gone......after all, they deserve it, right? Yes......I am calling my therapist right now.

Sometimes you have to let people go.

We all need people in our lives for various reasons. We need a great co-worker that you can trust with work issues and that can help us get through those lovely Mondays. We need a casual friend who you are close to and can tell things to but they are not so close to the issue that they can remain objective when they give their advice and forget what you talked about as soon as you walk away. We need someone to love intimately who thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to them and would stop at nothing to be with you; your happiness depends on theirs.

And then we have our BFFFLE's. (Best Freaking Friend Forever Life Eternity) The one person who will support you in all you do, stand by and let you make a fool of yourself but be there to defend you for doing so, cry with you, laugh with you, stick up for you even though you are wrong (but later tell  you that you have lost your mind!) and regardless of what life throws your way be there to  live it with you. They are never jealous, petty or demeaning. They are your other half. No one can take their place.

Sometimes those we thought were our BFFFLE's eventually stop being the one person you can trust above all others. The exact moment in time when this happens is unknown. It can be the little things that lead up to the final realization that things have changed.....you are telling them a story that is important to you and they are not paying attention. You are supposed to meet somewhere and they bail at the last minute with no explanation. They make "bonding time" plans with you and you find out they invited others without telling you. You hear things that you told them in private that they shared with others. You find yourself always defending decisions you made about other people in your life. And then the realization that every argument you have had with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse was over something your BFFFLE did to come between the two of you. All these things are not deal breakers with all your other friends because we all know not everyone can be happy for us at all times. But when it is your best friend, it can bring heartache of epic proportions.

After denials, disbelief, sadness and the feeling that the one person who has always been by your side may not be there for you tomorrow, one must realize that it might be time to let them go. Once the circle of trust has been broken it can never be reconnected. Sure, you can still be friends but that one true bond of Best Freaking Friend Forever Life Eternity is gone. What a sad day.

When your daughter falls in love.......

Even though we parents know that eventually our children will fall in love with someone special, the moment it happens will most definitely catch you off guard. We sit back and watch the middle school and high school flirtations and try not to get too involved even if you know the object of their affection is not worthy. We watch as they change their mind from day to day on who they "like" and who they want to "get to know better". You need an Excel spreadsheet to keep up!

This will be about my daughter. (Our son has married his soul mate! We are blessed) She will be mortified to know she is the focus of this blog! Shhh- Do not tell her. We call her "Runaway Raych". Everyone who knows her well will grab a pair of sneakers from her closet the minute a boy starts texting and acting interested in starting a relationship with her. History proves no boy has lasted more than a week. At times I would point out the positive attributes of a young boy and my daughter would seriously consider my words but then she would realize she really isn't interested in changing her very busy life to accommodate another person.

One day Raychel was in church, where you will find her every Sunday at band rehearsal and then singing with the band for mass. During mass I saw her look at someone in the congregation and smile. I could not see who it was but I had not seen her smile quite in that way before. I was curious. After mass she informed me that "Bobby" was in church and there was this glow about her! I had never seen her so.....well, giddy! I will  not go into how they met and how they came to be "Raybob" because it is not my story to tell. And honestly, they tell it in a much cuter way than I ever could. However, I will say that at that precise moment in time I felt a pang in my heart. I knew this was going to be unlike anything we have ever gone through with Raychel.

Raychel is a firm believer that God is the only one who can find the one person in this world meant just for her. She prayed about it daily. When she would talk to a boy if she did not get that "approval from above" feeling, there would not be a second conversation. If she got a negative vibe of some sort on a date, then there would never be a second date. Knowing this about her, when Raych and Bobby met for the first time and actually had a conversation, I never thought about what might come of this meeting. Even though I know how I felt in church when she told me about Bobby, past experiences prove that whatever she was feeling would be over when she got home. Imagine my surprise when she came home with a big smile and her heart overflowing.

Raychel is totally and completely in love for the very first time. She is not afraid to tell anyone who wants to know. She is not concerned about what others think. She is not afraid to let her guard down and let herself fall. My daughter has found "the" young man she is willing to risk everything for. Most adults feel that HS relationships are not meant to last or have depth or true concern for one another. I am a witness that this is not the case. Love is Love and there is no barrier of race, religion, politics or age that can stand against "real" love. When it truly happens, nothing can get in its way.

Lou and I had a hard time at first. We were concerned about how we would let this young man into our lives and allow him to share his life with us and our precious Ray of Sunshine. I called my son for advice. He is amazing and helped me see things from another perspective. But Louie was still not happy! "What? He wants to date my only daughter???" Then we met him. Our feelings for him were instantaneous. When I saw the way he looked at my daughter, there was no doubt in my mind that he truly cares for her. He is kind, considerate, funny, bright, charming, compassionate and a Catholic! He makes his parents very proud! They raised him well and I am thankful. He treats Raych with respect and professes to care for her as much as she does him. What I feared the most turned out to be a wonderful addition to our family. In the short time Bobby has been in our lives he has won our hearts and has brought our family so much joy and laughter. He is family. Regardless of where this will all end up, we will always love him.

We moms want everyone to be happy and want to forever protect our children of any age from anything that might harm them. For the first time I am allowing God to put my heart at ease and help me step back and not try and protect either one of them from possible heart ache. Only God knows where this path will lead. I am trusting in Him to guide them as they share this summer together. I am enjoying being a part of it all and praying that all will be ok in the end.....whenever that may be.

One never knows where they will land when they blindly took that leap of faith......but the journey seems to be amazing! We Mynarciks have learned that when you trust in God to guide your heart, He will never let you down!

Test of Faith

There are so many of us who need prayers on a daily basis. It seems that every other entry on Facebook is requesting a prayer. Twitter is now requesting prayers in 140 characters or less. Emails, mass texts, word of mouth from friends and the community, all asking for prayers. If I would say but one prayer a day for all the requests I receive I would be praying every waking moment of every day........perhaps that's the point!

I am always honored when someone asks me to talk to my Buddy in the sky on their behalf. I am more than willing to stop whatever I am doing at the time and fall to my knees. My faith in Him and his mercy is never ending......at least that is what I told myself.

If you have read my past blogs you know that there are two children that I pray for at least once an hour. In my heart I KNOW that God is in control and he is not only walking beside Feryn and Tanner while they are on this difficult journey; he often carries them when they are too tired to walk. I am always positive when others ask about them and reassuring in my emails to both families. "Please do not fear, God is loving and kind and His plan has to be the right plan!"

And then the unthinkable happened......Raychel became ill. Test after test  came back negative. Three emergency doctors on as many visits could not make a diagnosis. On the fifth day we were told to go to the Emergency Room and see if she needs to be admitted for exploratory surgery. Thinking back, I do not think I said one single prayer during those four days. I was numb. In my mind I am thinking that this can not be happening. Not to my child. That is the day I realized that I have so much work to do on my journey with God. I thought I trusted in Him.....my trust is conditional. I thought I had complete faith in his Divine Mercy......my faith wavers when it is one of my own children. Could it be that after all these years of comforting and reassuring others that I do not trust in my own belief? Can I be that much of a hypocrite? And then I did what I should have done from day one......I asked for prayers for Raychel's diagnosis and healing. The prayers were comforting. It was as if huge loving arms were wrapped around us. But I still did not trust that all will be okay and as it should be. How can her being ill be what was in the plan? My Buddy would never let anything bad happen to our Ray of Sunshine! And then I had to ask myself why I thought that I would never be tested. Isn't God's testing of our faith what makes us stronger? It is now my turn. It is pass or fail time at the Mynarciks.

We will be at the hospital this afternoon running another test to determine what course of action is needed to get Raychel well. I will be praying for complete healing. However, I will also be asking God to give me strength and renew my faith when the diagnosis is made. Whatever comes of today I must trust that He will be there holding us in his arms and assuring us that whatever the out come, He is in control.....and I would not want it any other way.