I am proud of you!

As a child I remember being deliriously happy when my father was proud of something I had done. These moments were rare and far between for two reasons; my father was a strict military man who did not show emotion very often and it was "expected" that we do our best. The equally rare times when I disappointed him hurt me far more than it did him. It was the worst feeling in the world to have my daddy disapprove.

Looking back this did not change as I grew older. I was always my parent's daughter and even though I made my own decisions and suffered the consequences or celebrated successes, when my parents approved it was all that much more meaningful.

As a parent I am a lot like my father was. I expect no less than the best from my children. Even though I tell them often how proud I am of them I assume they know what is expected. When my youngest falls short of doing her best, I am the first to bring it to her attention. I am not nice about it either. I "expect" her to work hard. I "expect" her to get it all done. I "expect" her to want my approval.  Shakespeare said “Expectation is the root of all heartache.”   I say, "To live without expectation is to live without motivation". Can we both be right? Being a good parent means not being your child's best friend. We have to make unpopular decisions knowing that our children will "hate" us for it. I never expected my children to like me or approve of my decisions. I did however expect them to respect me. And they do.

Since my father has passed I have not sought the approval of anyone. I am now a grown-up. I no longer need to hear the words "I am proud of you!".......or so I thought.

Yesterday I realized I was wrong.  My son told me he liked something that I was doing. He actually approved! I can not tell you how that made me feel. My eyes began to water and my heart swelled with pride.....in myself!! I never knew I needed my kids' approval. I never knew I needed to hear the words "I am proud of you!" from my own children. I never knew how much it means to me for my son to notice my efforts. I know now that we never truly outgrow our desire to make those we love proud including our own children. 

This new revelation has me thinking.......I wonder if my kids actually "like" me? Let me enjoy this moment a little while longer before I ask...I am afraid of the answer!