Love is in the air...or is it?

February brings with it the smell of roses and chocolate.  Everything is pink, white and red and decorations of hearts and “I Love You” banners adorn every entryway of every store you dare to enter. Cupid cutouts eye you eerily as you pass by like one of those old paintings where the eyes follow you all around the room.  Isn’t it romantic?  Well…..not for all of us.

Valentine’s day can make a normally happy and confident girl feel like a neurotic, depressed “Ugly Betty”.  Believe me, I know. When I was in school some silly group of boosters would sell roses as a fundraiser. You could buy a rose, add a note and they would hand deliver it during class near Valentine’s day. The popular girls walked around with their dozen roses from just as many boys and then the other 95 percent of us would walk the halls empty handed and try desperately not to make eye contact with anyone for fear the tell tale signs of tears would be visible. The worst part was the interruption of the class by a knock on the door and everyone’s heart would skip a beat in anticipation of being one of the “chosen” ones. Then there would be screeching and giggles and  lots of  hugging and jumping up and down while the same girls got yet another rose. It was sheer torture. I hated Valentine’s day.

And then I fell in love with a boy.

I remember our first Valentine’s day together. There was hints all week of what was to come. Every time I thought of it my heart would pound. Thoughts of what I could do to make this day special would consume my every thought. I wanted to show him how much I cared. I wanted others to see how much he is loved.  I wanted to make him feel like the hottest, smartest and most wanted boy to ever grace the halls of our school. I also wanted others to know he chose ME! I could not wait for the knock on the door and the delivery of a single red rose that signified his love for me. At the end of that day, with rose in hand, we went to dinner and he gave me a stuffed animal and a balloon. It was one of the best days of my life.  A few weeks later…….we broke up.

And then I fell in love with a man.

Our first Valentine’s day together was the month before we were to be wed. I wanted this day to be a true reflection of what was to come in our years together as man and wife. I wanted him to know how much I loved him and I hoped he surprised me with a gift to show how much he loved me.  We planned a night out and exchanged cards that held words of lasting love. He gave me perfume and a bracelet and I gave him cologne and a framed picture of the two of us together.  It was so romantic and was one of the best days of my life.  A month later……we got married.

And this will be our 30^th Valentine’s day together.

I have anticipated this day for weeks and I have been searching for the perfect gifts since January…..for our kids.  Raychel’s Valentine’s gift is wrapped and ready. Nathan and Jodi received theirs in the mail last week.  After 29 years of cards and flowers and perfume and chocolates, Louie and I have come to the realization that this one day a year is for the amateurs; people who want to prove to themselves they are in love or are loved.  For those of us who have put up with dirty underwear, toothpaste in the sink, snoring during a romantic comedy and all the other lovely things that come with marriage, chocolate and flowers just doesn’t seem adequate. The fact that we can sit in the living room  on this special day wearing sweats and talking about work, kids and bills is enough proof we love each other. While the rest of the world is either gloriously happy or extremely depressed, we will be in our beds fast asleep…..snoring and looking like “Ugly Betty”.

So for all you teenagers who think that the mere act of getting or giving a Valentine defines who you are, please remember that one day you too will love and be loved by someone so special that there is no card or Valentine’s gift that seems appropriate. Until that day, treat YOURSELF to a box of chocolates and smile. At least you will not have to do the laundry, pay bills or listen to your other half snore on this “special” day.