Southern hospitality.

Europeans and Southerners have a lot in common, most noticeably their hospitality.

When you visit a friend or relative in Germany, it immediately becomes Kaffe Stund which means a fresh pot of coffee is brewing and it is time for open faced sandwiches or cake. Everyone gathers in the living room where the coffee table is actually utilized for serving coffee. The coffee table is much taller in Germany and has a marble top or is covered in the finest linen tablecloth so that you can comfortably eat and drink on it when seated on the sofa or chair.

When visiting a true Southerner, a drink of some sort is immediately thrust in your hand and you can hear the drawl of "Bless your heart, come have something to eat!" and in the blink of an eye there are chips, dips, sausage, bread, cheese and homemade pickles on the table in the kitchen so that everyone can gather around and catch up on life’s events while drinking and eating.

I love family gatherings........except when I am on a diet.

I believe just saying aloud the word "diet" causes heads to turn, eyes to widen, eyebrows to raise and your host to become a drug pusher.  Practice has enabled your host to say "Just one bite! Stop being so silly! You can get back on track tomorrow! One more glass of wine! What is wrong with you? You are being rude!" all in one breath while pouring wine between your fingers that are covering your glass. It is a skill that one learns from watching grandmothers, mothers and aunts throughout the years. A southerner's determination to get you to eat and drink has no match. Protesting politely falls on deaf ears. Getting loud sets off the overdrive button and the pursuit to be a great hostess becomes magnified by 10. Eventually you just sit there and say nothing and do as you are told.

Last Friday I was determined to say "no". Upon entry into the kitchen I was handed a full glass of wine. We were all going out to eat so not eating snacks could be excused due to not wanting to spoil my appetite. I took a couple of sips from the wine and it was like the magical wine bottle in "The Bishop's Wife" that kept refilling itself. In my head I was counting Weight Watcher points. For every ounce I sipped I had to count one point. I had made up my mind that I was not going to use up all my points just trying to be polite. The louder I said the words NO THANK YOU, the more determined my uncle became. He stood beside me and looked into my eyes and did a stare down until I held out my still full glass so that he could "top it off”. I just sighed as I weakened and took another tiny sip. My daughter got my attention and mouthed the words "Don't drink it!" from across the room. Now I felt strong again......and I left it on the table when we went out to eat.

Of course when we came back after dinner my uncle got  my unfinished wine and brought it to me. Instead of arguing this time, I politely took the glass and set it on the table beside me. As the evening went on all I could think about was how I was going to get out of drinking this wine. And then my beautiful cousin asked me to come to the kitchen to talk to her and I jumped up and smiled and yelled "Let me get my wine first!" and I grabbed the glass and headed to the kitchen where I promptly poured 8 WW points down the drain. As all of you Southerners and Europeans know, we do not waste food...ever!.....so this was very hard for me, but I had no choice.

Of course I learned a lesson. Even though I love to offer my guests food and drink and I have often been pushy and said the same things that my uncle said to me Friday night, from now on I will offer but I will not force you to accept my hospitality. What I thought was being a great hostess was exactly the opposite. As of today I will listen to my guests and even though I will hound you by asking again and again until you at least take a glass of water with a lemon wedge, I will try to be understanding when you say, very loudly and forcefully, "NO!!".  This is not going to be easy........for either of us!