Being a parent is tough. Anyone who tells you that raising children is a breeze is either lying, taking Prozac or seriously in denial. It is a full time job for a minimum of 50 years with no retirement plan. I would say it is 24/7 x 365 days but for most people there are about 7 hours a day that you can sleep and not actively parent. However, you are on call during those hours so in my case this does not apply.
I once thought what when my children got older and could take care of themselves that I would actually have a life of my own. I could take a nap, go to bed early, sleep late, eat when I want, drink what I want and do whatever my heart desired. After all, they could take care of themselves, right? The goal of being a good parent is to raise loving, kind and intelligent members of society. It is our jobs to nurture, protect and love these little beings with all that we are. Then when the time comes for them to go out on their own we are done, right?
WRONG!
And if being wrong is not disappointing enough, being so wrong you need therapy is a rude awakening.
I don't know the exact moment in time when I realized what was happening but it has been within the last month. Coincidentally my daughter has been dating the "love of her life" during this same time frame. Let me ponder....nope, not a coincidence. Instead of me being able to relax and enjoy more sleep, more free time, more "me" time and the knowledge that I have raised two amazing children, I have now added another child to my family. My worries, concerns and parenting radar has now doubled. This is NOT the way it is supposed to work. I am supposed to have less responsibility not more!
Now I worry about four people instead of two. My son is married and they live in NY and are happy, healthy and whole. They are two of the most amazing young adults I know. They are bright, funny, loving, kind and so very talented. A parent's dream children! Jodi's parents and Louie and I did a great job parenting these two. I should not have any worries. Wrong again. I still worry when I do not talk to Nate every day. I worry about Jodi and her safety when she travels alone in the Big Apple even though she is from New York and is probably safer than Nate. I worry about them as a couple and if they are okay and eating well. I worry if they have had their dental or medical check-ups, I worry about Nate's knee surgery and if proper care is being taken to assure longer results. I worry because he never seems to sleep!! Is he taking care of himself? The list is endless.
Raychel is the youngest so she causes me the most worry. I worry about her school work, her athletics, her music, her back injury, her latest illness and about her hair turning green in the pool! I worry when she does not check in after school or when she is not at home. I worry about her future and where life will take her. And now I worry about her heart........
And if all this was not enough, I now worry about Bobby. Did he make it home okay? Did he eat before he went to work? Do I need to cook when he comes over late? Is everything okay? Will this fall bring him as much joy at UMHB as he is anticipating. Is he getting enough sleep?
Just when I thought I was getting more vacation time from this full time job of parenting, I was given a promotion and more responsibility. Instead of my usual 5 hours of sleep a night I now get 3. I should be very upset, right?
WRONG!
I am tired, worn out and often frustrated but I would not trade any of my babies for long naps, early bed times, sleeping late, eating when I want, drinking what I want or doing whatever my heart desired. My life would not be complete without them in it. Just the mere thought of them makes my heart overflow with love unlike any other. I guess God does know what he is doing and placed me where I need to be doing what I need to do.
My mother once told me that when you get married you are given a necklace of love with a worry stone attached. You never take it off. With each child you add a stone. As your children fall in love you add another stone. Grandchildren bring even more stones. The necklace just keeps getting heavier and heavier and is often very difficult to wear but the necklace also becomes so much more valuable. In the end, it is a priceless treasure of ones life.
And my kids don't know it yet, but I am passing this necklace down to them when I'm gone......after all, they deserve it, right? Yes......I am calling my therapist right now.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
Sometimes you have to let people go.
We all need people in our lives for various reasons. We need a great co-worker that you can trust with work issues and that can help us get through those lovely Mondays. We need a casual friend who you are close to and can tell things to but they are not so close to the issue that they can remain objective when they give their advice and forget what you talked about as soon as you walk away. We need someone to love intimately who thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to them and would stop at nothing to be with you; your happiness depends on theirs.
And then we have our BFFFLE's. (Best Freaking Friend Forever Life Eternity) The one person who will support you in all you do, stand by and let you make a fool of yourself but be there to defend you for doing so, cry with you, laugh with you, stick up for you even though you are wrong (but later tell you that you have lost your mind!) and regardless of what life throws your way be there to live it with you. They are never jealous, petty or demeaning. They are your other half. No one can take their place.
Sometimes those we thought were our BFFFLE's eventually stop being the one person you can trust above all others. The exact moment in time when this happens is unknown. It can be the little things that lead up to the final realization that things have changed.....you are telling them a story that is important to you and they are not paying attention. You are supposed to meet somewhere and they bail at the last minute with no explanation. They make "bonding time" plans with you and you find out they invited others without telling you. You hear things that you told them in private that they shared with others. You find yourself always defending decisions you made about other people in your life. And then the realization that every argument you have had with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse was over something your BFFFLE did to come between the two of you. All these things are not deal breakers with all your other friends because we all know not everyone can be happy for us at all times. But when it is your best friend, it can bring heartache of epic proportions.
After denials, disbelief, sadness and the feeling that the one person who has always been by your side may not be there for you tomorrow, one must realize that it might be time to let them go. Once the circle of trust has been broken it can never be reconnected. Sure, you can still be friends but that one true bond of Best Freaking Friend Forever Life Eternity is gone. What a sad day.
And then we have our BFFFLE's. (Best Freaking Friend Forever Life Eternity) The one person who will support you in all you do, stand by and let you make a fool of yourself but be there to defend you for doing so, cry with you, laugh with you, stick up for you even though you are wrong (but later tell you that you have lost your mind!) and regardless of what life throws your way be there to live it with you. They are never jealous, petty or demeaning. They are your other half. No one can take their place.
Sometimes those we thought were our BFFFLE's eventually stop being the one person you can trust above all others. The exact moment in time when this happens is unknown. It can be the little things that lead up to the final realization that things have changed.....you are telling them a story that is important to you and they are not paying attention. You are supposed to meet somewhere and they bail at the last minute with no explanation. They make "bonding time" plans with you and you find out they invited others without telling you. You hear things that you told them in private that they shared with others. You find yourself always defending decisions you made about other people in your life. And then the realization that every argument you have had with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse was over something your BFFFLE did to come between the two of you. All these things are not deal breakers with all your other friends because we all know not everyone can be happy for us at all times. But when it is your best friend, it can bring heartache of epic proportions.
After denials, disbelief, sadness and the feeling that the one person who has always been by your side may not be there for you tomorrow, one must realize that it might be time to let them go. Once the circle of trust has been broken it can never be reconnected. Sure, you can still be friends but that one true bond of Best Freaking Friend Forever Life Eternity is gone. What a sad day.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
When your daughter falls in love.......
Even though we parents know that eventually our children will fall in love with someone special, the moment it happens will most definitely catch you off guard. We sit back and watch the middle school and high school flirtations and try not to get too involved even if you know the object of their affection is not worthy. We watch as they change their mind from day to day on who they "like" and who they want to "get to know better". You need an Excel spreadsheet to keep up!
This will be about my daughter. (Our son has married his soul mate! We are blessed) She will be mortified to know she is the focus of this blog! Shhh- Do not tell her. We call her "Runaway Raych". Everyone who knows her well will grab a pair of sneakers from her closet the minute a boy starts texting and acting interested in starting a relationship with her. History proves no boy has lasted more than a week. At times I would point out the positive attributes of a young boy and my daughter would seriously consider my words but then she would realize she really isn't interested in changing her very busy life to accommodate another person.
One day Raychel was in church, where you will find her every Sunday at band rehearsal and then singing with the band for mass. During mass I saw her look at someone in the congregation and smile. I could not see who it was but I had not seen her smile quite in that way before. I was curious. After mass she informed me that "Bobby" was in church and there was this glow about her! I had never seen her so.....well, giddy! I will not go into how they met and how they came to be "Raybob" because it is not my story to tell. And honestly, they tell it in a much cuter way than I ever could. However, I will say that at that precise moment in time I felt a pang in my heart. I knew this was going to be unlike anything we have ever gone through with Raychel.
Raychel is a firm believer that God is the only one who can find the one person in this world meant just for her. She prayed about it daily. When she would talk to a boy if she did not get that "approval from above" feeling, there would not be a second conversation. If she got a negative vibe of some sort on a date, then there would never be a second date. Knowing this about her, when Raych and Bobby met for the first time and actually had a conversation, I never thought about what might come of this meeting. Even though I know how I felt in church when she told me about Bobby, past experiences prove that whatever she was feeling would be over when she got home. Imagine my surprise when she came home with a big smile and her heart overflowing.
Raychel is totally and completely in love for the very first time. She is not afraid to tell anyone who wants to know. She is not concerned about what others think. She is not afraid to let her guard down and let herself fall. My daughter has found "the" young man she is willing to risk everything for. Most adults feel that HS relationships are not meant to last or have depth or true concern for one another. I am a witness that this is not the case. Love is Love and there is no barrier of race, religion, politics or age that can stand against "real" love. When it truly happens, nothing can get in its way.
Lou and I had a hard time at first. We were concerned about how we would let this young man into our lives and allow him to share his life with us and our precious Ray of Sunshine. I called my son for advice. He is amazing and helped me see things from another perspective. But Louie was still not happy! "What? He wants to date my only daughter???" Then we met him. Our feelings for him were instantaneous. When I saw the way he looked at my daughter, there was no doubt in my mind that he truly cares for her. He is kind, considerate, funny, bright, charming, compassionate and a Catholic! He makes his parents very proud! They raised him well and I am thankful. He treats Raych with respect and professes to care for her as much as she does him. What I feared the most turned out to be a wonderful addition to our family. In the short time Bobby has been in our lives he has won our hearts and has brought our family so much joy and laughter. He is family. Regardless of where this will all end up, we will always love him.
We moms want everyone to be happy and want to forever protect our children of any age from anything that might harm them. For the first time I am allowing God to put my heart at ease and help me step back and not try and protect either one of them from possible heart ache. Only God knows where this path will lead. I am trusting in Him to guide them as they share this summer together. I am enjoying being a part of it all and praying that all will be ok in the end.....whenever that may be.
One never knows where they will land when they blindly took that leap of faith......but the journey seems to be amazing! We Mynarciks have learned that when you trust in God to guide your heart, He will never let you down!
This will be about my daughter. (Our son has married his soul mate! We are blessed) She will be mortified to know she is the focus of this blog! Shhh- Do not tell her. We call her "Runaway Raych". Everyone who knows her well will grab a pair of sneakers from her closet the minute a boy starts texting and acting interested in starting a relationship with her. History proves no boy has lasted more than a week. At times I would point out the positive attributes of a young boy and my daughter would seriously consider my words but then she would realize she really isn't interested in changing her very busy life to accommodate another person.
One day Raychel was in church, where you will find her every Sunday at band rehearsal and then singing with the band for mass. During mass I saw her look at someone in the congregation and smile. I could not see who it was but I had not seen her smile quite in that way before. I was curious. After mass she informed me that "Bobby" was in church and there was this glow about her! I had never seen her so.....well, giddy! I will not go into how they met and how they came to be "Raybob" because it is not my story to tell. And honestly, they tell it in a much cuter way than I ever could. However, I will say that at that precise moment in time I felt a pang in my heart. I knew this was going to be unlike anything we have ever gone through with Raychel.
Raychel is a firm believer that God is the only one who can find the one person in this world meant just for her. She prayed about it daily. When she would talk to a boy if she did not get that "approval from above" feeling, there would not be a second conversation. If she got a negative vibe of some sort on a date, then there would never be a second date. Knowing this about her, when Raych and Bobby met for the first time and actually had a conversation, I never thought about what might come of this meeting. Even though I know how I felt in church when she told me about Bobby, past experiences prove that whatever she was feeling would be over when she got home. Imagine my surprise when she came home with a big smile and her heart overflowing.
Raychel is totally and completely in love for the very first time. She is not afraid to tell anyone who wants to know. She is not concerned about what others think. She is not afraid to let her guard down and let herself fall. My daughter has found "the" young man she is willing to risk everything for. Most adults feel that HS relationships are not meant to last or have depth or true concern for one another. I am a witness that this is not the case. Love is Love and there is no barrier of race, religion, politics or age that can stand against "real" love. When it truly happens, nothing can get in its way.
Lou and I had a hard time at first. We were concerned about how we would let this young man into our lives and allow him to share his life with us and our precious Ray of Sunshine. I called my son for advice. He is amazing and helped me see things from another perspective. But Louie was still not happy! "What? He wants to date my only daughter???" Then we met him. Our feelings for him were instantaneous. When I saw the way he looked at my daughter, there was no doubt in my mind that he truly cares for her. He is kind, considerate, funny, bright, charming, compassionate and a Catholic! He makes his parents very proud! They raised him well and I am thankful. He treats Raych with respect and professes to care for her as much as she does him. What I feared the most turned out to be a wonderful addition to our family. In the short time Bobby has been in our lives he has won our hearts and has brought our family so much joy and laughter. He is family. Regardless of where this will all end up, we will always love him.
We moms want everyone to be happy and want to forever protect our children of any age from anything that might harm them. For the first time I am allowing God to put my heart at ease and help me step back and not try and protect either one of them from possible heart ache. Only God knows where this path will lead. I am trusting in Him to guide them as they share this summer together. I am enjoying being a part of it all and praying that all will be ok in the end.....whenever that may be.
One never knows where they will land when they blindly took that leap of faith......but the journey seems to be amazing! We Mynarciks have learned that when you trust in God to guide your heart, He will never let you down!
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